Washington, DC: First Impressions

Got into Washington, DC, last night. Here's the straight dope, delivered with prejudice and without authority.

Number one first impression: who in god's name let the ghost of Julius Caesar design all the buildings in this town? I mean, seriously, this is the most neoclassical thing I've ever tasted, and I once ate a big heaping bowl of neoclassicism. Nearly every building is constructed from giant, white pieces of stone. Even the new buildings are reminiscent of ancient Greece or Rome, without actually putting winged gods on the roofs. And don't get me started on the giant, raging phallus that is the Washington Monument.

Let's move on.

Virtually everything associated with the Smithsonian is free; this is a nice touch, very welcoming compared to $15 at the VAG, $16 at the Museum of Natural History, and $20 at MoMA. While engaged in an alcohol-lubricated conversation at a Delaware brewery the other day, a Washington local recommended the Smithsonian's Renwick Gallery as a must see, except he refused to say exactly why. All he said was that I needed to see Ghost Clock (but don't click that link unless you want to ruin the experience of actually seeing it in person). Dude was absolutely right about this Gallery; small, but packing a wallop. Check out work by Mark Sfirri for a taste of the latest special exhibition. I intend to visit more Smithsonian museums and galleries over the next few days.

For Canadians: I had a look at the Canadian Embassy. I think we did a nice job. It looks like a space ship hooked up with the Parthenon at a freaky singles bar and forgot to use protection. It certainly isn't the humble, apologetic log cabin I was expecting. No beavers either.

I also happened past the White House, which is a bit strange, just sitting there on the lawn. I wonder what it's like to have millions of people every year come to ogle your house. Plus, you can really only take two photos: one landscape orientation, one portrait. But people are there for quite a long time, taking and retaking shots between different rungs of the wrought iron fence, to no avail.

While I was angling toward the National Air and Space Museum, I got waylaid by the National Archives, home of the Declaration of Independence (illegible - you would think they would have taken better care of this), the US Constitution (remarkably short), the Bill of Rights (they don't really use this anymore), and one of only four copies of the Magna Carta (Americans have no idea what this is). The long and the short of it is, John Hancock was a real showboating asshole.

Before I knew it, I was at the Capitol, which smells like a stinky river estuary thanks to the "reflecting pond" out front. They need some blue minigolf water to destinkify that cesspool. But the building is nice and the lawn is essentially a taxpayer funded sunbathing, wedding photo, and frisbee area.

So basically, Washington is interesting and full of stuff to do. It's a bit like a movie set; everywhere you go you run into something you recognize from Independence Day or The West Wing or Ernest Goes to Washington. There is also the FBI Building, made famous in that one static shot they used over and over in The X Files. Hilarious.