It's summer, let's dress like idiots!

The long, cold winter in Edmonton has a way of tricking human physiology into believing the weather is warmer than it actually is. Any normal subset of human beings goes outside in 10C weather and thinks, "it's quite medium out today, perhaps I need a jacket." But in Edmonton, as soon as the mercury crawls above zero, people like to pretend that they live somewhere that serves more drinks with umbrellas in them. And this produces a few distinct characters you are likely to see around town.

The Off-Duty Prostitute: largely featuring booty shorts, short skirts, super low-cut shirts, bikini tops, strappy shoes, and a lot of attitude, this character has gone to great lengths to convince everyone she is not just warm, but also HOT. Now, I'm no prude, I normally encourage public nudity, but in this case, we have a complication. Cold air gives people goose bumps - so picture a sexy trussed up turkey ready to go in the oven. Maybe not a great look. Plus shivering is never attractive.

The Gym Rat Who Can't Find the Gym: this guy likes to walk around shirtless, showing off his fake and bake tan (gradually built up starting January 1st) and his recently inked dragon/tribal/tribal-dragon tattoo. He has big biceps and skinny bird legs. He is also so cold that you could probably open a beer using his tiny, straining, constricted nipples.

The Exerciser: like the Gym Rat and the Off-Duty Prostitute, the Exerciser dresses in a revealing manner, but is running everywhere - to stay warm. Once the Exerciser stops running, though, sweat-sicles. Do not kiss Exercisers with beards.

The Warm Weather Rejection Guy: while everyone else pretends it's warm out, there is one guy who sees the nipples going by and rejects the concept wholesale. He puts on a parka and a tuque and goes for a walk. His face is red. He is breathing heavily. He is clearly too hot. But he sticks with it, to demonstrate to all the other idiots how sensible he is. His sensibility is false. He is a fucking moron. Take  off that parka.

So what should you wear when the weather is middling? I say, prison jumpsuit.