Places I Like to Eat Lunch: Shanghai Express

There is something about shiny food that intrigues me. Fruit and veg can be shiny, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean artificial shine; when people intentionally shine up their food, like a bowling ball or a nice pair of shoes, it makes me want to eat it. I can't explain why. And Shanghai Express makes the shiniest food around.

There is a food court beneath Telus Plaza where I have eaten most of my lunches over the past four years. I'm not exaggerating: shortly after moving to Edmonton and securing gainful employment, I decided that I hate making and schlepping a lunch to work and would thus cease doing it. So I buy lunch five days a week. And working downtown has afforded me the opportunity to sample a wide range of food court delights. In four years, I have ferreted out the best of them and I intend to feature them here, beginning with the shiniest.

Now, many of you have a thirst for authenticity and will automatically reject my choice of midday Chinese food as Americanized, and that's fine. I consider food court Chinese food to be a separate gastronomic genre altogether, so let's not get in a big huff about it. The thing about Shanghai Express is that they have really dispensed with the authenticity performance - they know what you want and they give it to you. Spicy, sweet, salty, fatty, deep fried, crispy, covered in soy sauce, and above all, shiny - they hit every button in the North American brain centres that control gut lust, without even attempting to sell you things like bitter melon or the ugly bits of animals we whities don't normally eat. But only go on Monday.

I look forward to going to work on Mondays because Shanghai Express offers a special item called simply "Spicy Chicken." It satisfies all of the aforementioned lusts, plus it's bright orange. It seems to stand out from the other items on display, the light from the heat lamps glinting off of its slick, coated surface, calling, "eat me, take bites that your mother considers to be 'bigger than your head'." Sadly, they make you get some other items as well, which are fine, but really take away from the main event. Sometimes I force myself to eat the noodles first in order to build anticipation for the spicy chicken, but then I cave halfway through and have a bite of glowing orange goodness and it's all over.

I'm sure it's terrible for me but I don't care.